The Mother Daughter Chemistry

As Mother’s day is nearing, here is my pick. I decided to share my opinion about – why daughters and mothers have a lot of disagreements between them.

So, the fact is you always enjoy hearing someone saying good about yourself. You keep expectations for every casual thing you do, the food that you prepare or the dress that you wear needs some kind of attention. You are result oriented (we all are!). Even if someone really appreciates you for the efforts, you will seldom hear that from your own mother.

At home, the pampering mode gradually fades away when the daughter starts to venture out on her own. During the early twenties, the girls do some self analysis, exploring their own potential and making new friends. Late twenties and thirties are about finding a career, learning to cook, finding the guy, and dressing up nice infront of family! Young mothers do the juggling exercise to balance three verticals – home, work and children.
Everyday it feels as if you are doing everything but no-one is there to acknowledge it! Yes, not even your dear mother. You just try to copy your mother, but somehow things does not seem satisfactory. Because you are not getting rewarded for your actions.

Have you wondered why mothers hardly give words of appreciation to daughters? It’s just their way of making you strong and able. When they scold you for silly matters, they are throwing you to the world out there, where you will face adversities and learn to live against the odds.

Your mother, she expects you to be the best and never gives you a chance to be over confident. She always wish that you evolve and be like her, but never agrees to it even if you succeed. So call it generation gap, signs of ageing or whatever, mother is your best critic and motivator. She owns the privilege to provide life’s invaluable lessons that nooneelse can teach you. She just wants you to be perfect in all sense.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Advertisements

What Really Matters

What do I mean to the world around me? What impact would I make living in planet earth? What makes me different from others? Ever had these moments of deliberation?

Quite often while I’m busy with the daily chores or travelling to work, I contemplate on these lines. Everyday we try to abide by the rules of relationships. At home we become the care takers and at work we are the robots programmed to do tasks which are aligned to our roles. Although we have no clue where we are heading to, the ride just goes on like it’s insane. Yes we go in Circles. We come back and sleep to repeat it the next day. I hear people grumbling about trivial matters that can actually be overlooked. They have a set of things that they do everyday and cannot imagine pressing the pause button. They think in loops and complicate simple things in life forgetting to explore the sunny side of life.

So, when you really feel you are loosing track of the bottom-line, just take a break and go to a nearby park. Sit back & breathe, revel in the glory of nature. Try smiling at a stranger and see how you feel about it. You don’t have to travel miles to take a vacation. You can have your small vacations everyday by taking time off your routine. Explore a new coffee shop or library and treat yourself with something you love.

Instead of devoting your energy towards things that you cannot change, look around for things that can enrich you & bring back the cheer. So, it is okay if you don’t clean your house for a day or ignore the dishes that has piled up. If your maid didn’t turn up one day just take it easy, you always have a plan B. Don’t freak out if your kid spilled some milk on the bed, it is okay because even you would have done this too. It is crucial that you shouldn’t let frustrations take charge especially when you have children around. They learn & absorb the little things quickly. Pass on good vibes to them & set no limits for expressing your love.

Why don’t you choose contentment and happiness over petty things that can’t make good memories? Make time for your family but make sure that you also give time for yourself to think deep. Count your blessings and savour the treats that life has already given you! Look back and see what you’ve missed, chase your crazy dreams.

Raining Dreams

IMG_20160510_131443.jpg

Lashing rains, the Good Vibe of the day

Dark clouds lingered above,

yet the moon & a pair of stars unveiled

The feel of damp air, a summer surprise

Hazy flickering lights loomed across the sky

I whispered goodbyes to the unknown

A silly wish sprouted to fly away with them

Not a new  thing.. I dream, secretly

A tree was in bloom not far away

Sweet fragnance of Champak it was

Sleep breezed in.. Bliss!

Not a new thing..the dreams,

I flew away

Know your worth Ladies

woman quote

Hey friends,

My articles are usually women-centered because I feel that a woman’s life is a melange of diverse incidents, emotions, roles & changes, which brings about new topics to discuss almost everyday. The focus of this blog is about knowing the real worth of a woman. Now there are two parts to this – 1. a woman analyzing herself 2. society analyzing a woman. We will first introspect more about point 1 and later come to point 2.

Point 1: Many women have no clue what their real worth is! Women start their lives being daughters to their parents, then move on to become sisters, aunts, wives, mothers and grandmothers. As life progresses, they take up new responsibilities, change homes, evolve to become so-called mature individuals. The reality is that many of them assume themselves to have attained maturity, but are still a lot immature in their minds.  I’ve noticed that many parents don’t encourage the daughters to become independent. At a later stage, when the lady is left alone facing a critical issue in life, she feels like a weakling. I think beginning from childhood, girls should be given chances to tackle their own issues whenever possible. They should be able to realize that they are capable individuals and not dependent beings. This realization will help them build solid confidence moving forward.

On a similar context, there are a lot of women who go beyond their limits trying to win over the guys they have chosen. Sometimes they change themselves so much that they loose their own identity. However isn’t it true if I say, sensible men are only looking out for women who stick to their own true self. Why all this drama? Be yourself, you will find your man when its the right time without the need for any masquerades. If a man is attracted to a lady beyond the physical, then he will surely find ways to hold on, no matter what. And if you don’t find that someone, maybe its better you live single in your own good standards than settling in for less.

Now coming to point 2. Although many women believe that they are smart & capable, there are moments when they all breakdown emotionally while trying to cope up with situations around. Yes situations do affect women a lot. Many a times they tend to analyze their own worth by measuring the duties they perform, just as it is expected from the society. For example, a married woman is expected to perform the routine duties that includes cooking, child care, cleaning and so on. If the woman breaks free from this invisible cage of duties she is stamped irresponsible and selfish. In such cases, the woman herself feel that she is not of much value. So most often, a woman is being valued by her contributions to the family, but nothing else. If she steps out to make a difference in the system, then she is considered over smart. If she is not able to give birth to a child, she is made to feel ‘useless’. Are all women the same? If every woman is expected to be a carbon copy of the other, then why do they get educated at all?  I’v heard certain families demand that, the prospective bride should be well educated, but however she shouldn’t be highly career oriented. Well, ladies its your choice. Often many of you just keep all these feelings to yourselves and move on, hoping that someday things will get better. Apparently, things will not get any better unless you do something to come out of the negative zone.

Every woman should understand that, you are much more than dutiful wives, mothers to  children, caretakers for your folks, etc. You are yourself first and everything-else comes only after that. You are capable of something which others are not. Find your uniqueness, cherish it, share it with those who are true to you. Love yourself, be your own celebrity. Spend time with yourself, analyse yourself every day. If you think you need to get rid of a bad quality in you, work towards it. Ultimately, by knowing your true ‘worth’ you will not only learn to ‘move forward’ but will also learn to ‘let go’ of what you don’t really deserve.

Cheers.

Why WOMEN’S day is not all about Women

 

As the International Women’s day is around the corner, the routine campaigns are conducted all around the globe emphasizing the need for women empowerment, gender equality, women safety, saving the girl child, etc. From CEOs to daily wage workers, women from all paths of life come together to take part in these events to remind the society about their rights and privileges. When we say about rights – the list goes on as the right for birth, right to live a life free of gender discrimination, right for education, right to vote, right to advance their career, right to speak up and so on.

Over the years, these social awareness campaigns has paved way for many women to come out of their cages. Today, we have eminent women figures in the field of politics, science and technology, fashion, media, healthcare, travel and where not? Although it had been a mammoth struggle to disrupt the prevailing patterns of life, the results are not bad. It is observed that up to some extent the world has succeeded in preventing child marriages, cases of sexual abuse and female infanticides. If we further scrutinize the results, it reveals that the path to complete gender parity is still a long one. The alarming rate at which sexual abuse/harassment occurring in India leaves the common man contemplating on ‘where exactly are we missing out’?

Women education and violence tops the list of major equality issues in India. Apparently, if we dig deep to find the root causes, we will come back to our own homes finding the links. To be more precise, the required ‘change’ should be started at our homes. Instead of  holding women empowerment campaigns where only women participate and talk about their issues, why not conduct mutually beneficial awareness programs including both genders. If we accept a more open approach where both men and women assemble to exchange their ideas/opinions it may lead to a better sense of unification. Hence, women’s day is not exclusively for women but equally for men and women.

In traditional Indian families a trait of male chauvinism is still evident. Only if we make efforts to root this out from the system we can even think of a substantial change in future. Such men should be given proper awareness to make them understand why they shouldn’t deny education for the female family members.

In-order to bring down the culture of women abuse, we must instill moral values and principles in boys starting from the early ages. Apparently this has to begin right from the childhood in school as well as home. As many schools are more academically oriented, moral guidance classes are not taken as a serious requirement even today. We all know well that at any time the ‘abused’ or their families cannot rely on the government or politicians to obtain justice, hence we must think of creating a change in the individual level. Attaining gender equality shouldn’t mean proving one’s strength over the other but let the purpose of it be living in harmony with each other instead of conflicts. The true attitude behind gender equality should be ‘men supporting women’. An apt word for this concept was launched by UN women called as ‘HeforShe’. The HeforShe campaign (http://www.heforshe.org/en) initiated by the UN Women aims to engage men and women as agents of change by encouraging them to take action against negative inequalities faced by women/girls.

Stay at home parent and Identity crisis

img-20170216-58a5764abeac4

Ever since I quit my job four years back, I’d been asked a zillion times ‘Are you working’? And the questions doesn’t cease there as the answer was always a “No”. Question no.2 is usually a ‘Why?’ accompanied by statements like ‘You are well qualified, but still at home?’ The questions slowly take the form of advises and suggestions on how I could be back to the status of a ‘working woman’. The interesting point is that people I meet doesn’t even know the reason I quit my job at the first place and they simply guess that I did that for my baby just like many other new moms. Without knowing whats the story opinions are showered from all sides like a ritual. Well, my reason for quitting a full time career was not my baby’s arrival but it was due to a temporary relocation with my better half. During those days, ‘staying together’ was the priority and I couldn’t let my job come as a barrier to it. And the second point to be thought over is “Why do people think that all women aspire to work or be paid employees?”. Nowadays it is a default belief that no woman likes to own the title of ‘home-maker’ or ‘just-a-mom’! How can that be true when we have super role models of our past generation like our mothers and grandmothers? They have been efficient home-makers all their life and still lead a contented life. Even in their retired life, many of them are taking care of their grandchildren and helping with the household chores. This shows that our generation is a step lower when it comes to perseverance.

So my point is, everyone may not be as broad minded or goal oriented as you think. Every woman’s concept of ‘family’ is different. Every house is unique and so are its in members. Sometimes money will not help but all a family needs would be a human to bring in some order. Like I hinted above, women nowadays are not happy to be called as a home-maker. Have you thought why? The reasons maybe lack of financial independence, absence of social life, boredom, etc. However to some extend it is also due to the pressure from society. Even if we prefer to spend more time with our kids than at a workplace, we tend to think that being at home is of no value. The feeling that ‘anyone can be the home maker’ is the reason for discontentment. This is what we call Identity crisis. If you have at least a handful of people around to encourage you to be ‘Yourself’ and not like anybody else, you can bring out the best in what you do.. be it – home making or parenting. For women who are going through this phase and really wish to do something creative, take up a flexible job where you can work from home or turn your hobby into a business, work during the hours your kid is at school.

In my case I got my career break extended due to my baby’s arrival. Initially it had been frustrating especially because I missed my social life. Gradually over the months, I started finding time for my hobbies and interests whenever possible. I could read, write, explore and learn more because I didn’t have targets or timelines to keep track of. My son depends on me as his dad is mostly away on office assignments. I’v become more confident to deal with difficulties like child illnesses, temper tantrums, behavior issues, etc. Amidst such chaos, trying out a new recipe always cheered me up. I did fret over not having an income but I overcame that feeling with the help of my husband who kept assuring me that what I do for my son is more valuable and challenging than what a paid job can offer. I learned to answer the questions in a more matured manner. Previously I used to explain the scenarios which made me leave my job and continue to be a full time parent for my toddler, but now my answer is ‘I’m not working, I have a son to take care’.

I believe that my work life has transformed me to become more talkative and social. The interactions and experiences with my colleagues and supervisors had a great impact on shaping my character. While I believe that I have developed such qualities during my work life, I’m also looking at the blessings of being a full time parent or home maker where I get time to enjoy the afternoons reading a book or blogging, sipping coffee by the window watching the birds, catching up with old friends and family…and so on.

Surprisingly, I have crossed the stage of ‘longing to be back at work’ because I already have a long list of things to do everyday. I get sweet kisses from my son before he goes to sleep, something which he does involuntarily. I am not running behind material rewards anymore but if someone says that my son is well behaved that is the best reward for me.

Evenings at the Crow Park

img_20160223_182529

Ever since the Crow park (CP) has been renovated, I go for evening walks there. The park isn’t like a usual place for me.. whenever I’m there, I feel an urge to scribble down what I see….The name is given by myself, as the park gives shelter to an abundant number of crows. At dusk, the black birds can be seen settling in on the tree tops with so much noise. The chances of getting blessings (droppings) from the birds are more during this time.

The plush green lawn in the park is surrounded by a neat paved walkway. A portion is developed into kids play area with slides and swings. Another portion is dedicated for exercise equipments. In the middle there is a new statue of a man standing on the earth, holding a creeper plant in hand… I guessed it meant something like ’embracing nature’. The park is huge when compared to other ones in our neighborhood. Hence I find the place comfortable for jogging.

After two rounds around the park, I stopped to take a breath. A lady who looked in her 60’s overtook me swiftly. She wore a salwar kameez and did slow jogging. Inspired by her spirit, I started off again for another round.

The crowd is less in the CP, which motivates me to sit back and relax after my walk/run. While I relaxed, I observe the people around briefly.. Today, a baby was sitting on the grass with her father, both of them having a good bonding time. A group of boys were busy playing some games. A few elderly people were taking their strolls along the walkway. Some determined house wives were working on the exercise machines.

I felt a kind of bonding with the strangers I met there. We were all equals, like from the same family..we came to the CP to shed off worries, improve health, cleanse the mind and be Happy. A solo bat flew across the sky, it looked as if it conveyed a silent message ‘I watch you all from above, thus I know you all’…

My iPod played a beautiful Hindi playlist. Suddenly my face had a smile, there was no reason for it..it was a smile, a simple gesture of happiness. After some stretches, I walked back home. On the way, I tried to smile at strangers crossing my way…they looked confused. I continued to smile.